Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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