dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
