she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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