she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
