hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I need water and some morals
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
