Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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