I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
