I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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