Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
