It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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