I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
