My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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