Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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