i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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