My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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