Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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