I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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