After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
