you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
