I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
