So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
