Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
