whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
