Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
pop tarts are not kleenex
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
