The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
