I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
