Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
