I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
