On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
