Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
