I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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