CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
