i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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