I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
