I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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