End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
