By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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