The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
