If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
