I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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