i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
