That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
