I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
