Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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