UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
