I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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