I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm too high and old for this...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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