I'm gonna have a badass scar
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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