just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
