If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
