Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
