ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
