Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
