what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
