I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
