I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
