I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
