Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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