Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
