Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
