i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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