I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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