I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
