She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Every concussion has its silver lining
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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