She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As shirtless as possible
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
