I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
