So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
