final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
