Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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